I think we now know each other well enough to be able to talk about SEX. This topic on its own though could fill multiple volumes of books so I’m just going to raise a few thoughts I have about the topic. Get more informations of Lisa 2001.
Firstly let me say that while being sexual is crucial in defining the success of a relationship it is not the be- end- relationship. As many relationships survive without sex, or with some variation of sex, as there are relationships that have sex as a central component.
Let me say something more about that: As I was researching for this topic I was astonished to note the variety of ways couples manage their sexual relations. There are those who have no sex at all to those who use pornography, sex toys, swinging marriage, which is sharing with other couples, or practicing open marriage, where one or both have sex with other people separate from the marriage.
The critical thing here is that it should simply be about whatever turns you on keeping in mind that whatever turns you should also turn your partner on; that whatever you employ in this part of your relationship is OK by both of you. It must be discussed and agreed upon by both in a very open and honest way otherwise it must simply be a no- zone.
Let me highlight the absolute importance of this by an example. Many couples complain that after a period of time in their relationship sex can become a bit ho-hum. They may be caught up in work, children or other commitments and therefore have little energy left for coming together sexually at the end of the day or at the end of the week let alone making it special or different for each otheF
If that’s how it is for you, it’s important to talk about it, and speak about it before anyone tries to do something that you may regret, including having an affair. The pair can be shocked to find out in this conversation that they both believe the same way.
If this is the case you need to make some decisions. It could be that you are simply not sexually compatible. If this is the case then you need to talk about how this might be remedied. It might be that it’s time to introduce something else into your sexual play. The possibilities here are limitless and may include introducing some sex toys that are now easily and discreetly available in sex shops or off the internet. Sex toys could be simple things like massage tools or dildos or could be videos or, if it works for you, fantasy implements.
Something else that could be introduced into the relationship, though I say this with a caution, is another person or another couple to either share the sex act with you or with whom you each might spend time separately from each other.
My caution here is that when you invite others into your sexual relationship you might also be inviting the “green eyed monster”, called jealousy, or a further erosion of the lack of intimacy that may already exist between you. The boundaries need to be explored and agreed to by both of you before embarking on any extra curricula activities.
For some simple strategies in keeping the sex alive in your relationship try the following:
* Make sure you have regular date nights to give you both a chance to dress up and be relaxed with each other.
* Practice flirting with each other or role playing as if you’ve just met for the first time. Send love letters and buy flowers or cook your partner’s favourite meal.
* Meet in town after work one night and book a hotel room. If you need to get the kids babysat. They’ll be OK and so you’ll be refreshed and re-energized as you come home the next day.
Just note, sex shouldn’t be seen more than anything as a weapon to hang on to someone, or as something that either person must do because they’re in a relationship. More importantly having sex should be a time for play; a time to be expose your inner self, to experiment with new things as well as being a time to just be with another human being in a very intimate and loving way without reserve or anything else getting in the way.